I thought that being negative was okay, well I had no one to tell me any differently. Therefore, my thinking to me was quite normal, at first.
I used to run track, and I rarely came in first place, I was never striving to be number One, for I didnt want anyone seeing me at all. Please keep the attention off of me.
I don't know if this negative, don't focus on me was simply because I struggle so much with being shy, sone how triggered this negative behaviour or what.
All I know is that I had this issue, that seemed to define me so well, to the point of me not thinking anything about it after awhile.
However, as my life continued progressing, I started to notice, the different type of people that I was attracting. People that were like me, negative, low self esteem, and ugly.
Ugly in away as to not really having any goals or any purpose in life, just like me. Hanging out with myself was easy, and comfortable. I didn't have anything to prove to anyone. Besides I didn't think anything was wrong with me.
I started acting out more and more in this negative mindset. Poor jobs, poor men, drugs and negative poor living situations, and fighting.
Eventually, people started telling me that I was a negative person. When I first heard these cold, warm words. They were cold because it shocked me that people could actually see it, and it was hot because my spirit was severed, cut in two with the truth. I wasn't wanting to hear that.
For about three more years it was all I heard from different people, until one day I looked myself in the mirror and admitted that I had a problem with being negative. My thinking wasn't normal, nor was my behavior.
Therefore, if this sounds like you please don't do like me. If you notice that your thinking is a little warped and strangled with non productive going no where thoughts and actions, just admit it and just keep on admitting it until you cleaned out the old you and start bringing in the new wonderful you.
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