ME, MYSELF AND I

I am going to be sharing  a little bit about myself.

When I was growing up and going to school, high school as a teenager I was very shy. So shy in fact; when we would go over to relatives house, I would find my favorite  hiding spot; between the refrigerator and stove.

Every time we would visit, that would be my comfort zone to place myself. I didn't care what anyone though either, I was not coming out.

My cousins would beg me to come out. " Please come out." "Pretty please come out, I will give you some candy or some cookies." But to no avail, would I ever give in.

Due to this behavior,I developed a very negative attitude. Never believing I belonged, or I just wasn't good enough.

I felt comfortable in my skin if I just played second, being first was for someone else, but not me. I am hanging out in the back.

Well playing second, hanging in the back of everybody else, led me right to alcohol and drugs, for I wanted to just once feel normal or accepted like everybody else.

I felt normal alright. I married a man that was a male whore, he cheated with every woman including my sister.

I was homeless so many times that I lost track at the fifth time. I mean sleeping in my car homeless with my children. And this was after I accepted Jesus into my life.

I blamed everybody for my life, my husband,  my parents, my sister,I mean everybody.

Until the last homeless my children and I went through. My nephew gave me this book. This book talked about being responsible for your own life. By no blaming others.

Facing ourselves and our reasons why we behave the way WE behave. By lying down and letting people run us over, because we ourselves do not feel good about ourselves.  This was certainly me.

I was the captain of my ship, I was the one that was so shy to the point of thinking that I was not good enough, or that I am number two.

No one pushed or shoved that down my throat but ME.